It's 4:10, I should be in bed. Actually, I AM in bed, but I'm not at all sleepy. It feels like there is nothing on my mind, but in reality it’s swirling. It’s moving, but it’s almost at a stalemate. Here I am, 2 weeks away from making the most significant plunge of my entire adult life and there are all of these inherent contradictions moving around my brain.
-“What if you’re not a good husband”
-”You’ve been trained your whole life to be a good husband”
-“You know you love her”
-“Is love enough?”
-“What can you possibly offer her?”
-“Only everything she’s ever wanted in a man”
You get the point.
For those of you who are married, stick with me here. I know that the common response to these thoughts would normally be brushed off as “pre-marital jitters”. (I don’t know if I spelled “jitters” right. I’ve never had to spell such a ridiculous word before.) The only problem is this:
I don’t have any jitters.
These are just legitimate thoughts that have been running through my head at an alarming rate. I never thought that I would care about someone so much that I knew that I could not live my life without them in it.
On THAT note, I also never thought that I would be getting excited about dumb stuff like washers and dryers. Case in point…today, as I was washing some of our wedding shower gifts, I got SO pumped over the new carafe that had a separate holder for ice so it wouldn’t melt into your beverage. I know, nuts huh? The funny part to that is after I was finished marveling at it’s amazingness, I promptly put it in the dishwasher and ruined it forever. Classic me J.
With all of that said, I just want to make her as happy and as un lonely as she makes me.
That’s all. No poetic notes or witty send offs. It’s almost 4:30 and I’m starting to get sleepy. HA!
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