For Those Of You Who Know Me

For those of you who know me, you HAD to expect a wedding blog sooner or later. Things have been so hectic around here lately that it’s been hard to clear my head enough to jot down some thoughts. Now here I am at the beginning of the busiest week of the year and for some reason, my head is clear and I’m calm…

…minus one small part.

I was talking to my future wife Kacie last night and we both shared a common feeling. It’s the feeling that runs through your mind, past your eyeballs and out of your ear, leaving behind the feeling that you all of the sudden have to take a huge dump. You know, THAT feeling.

Picture this from both of our perspectives:

We’re in the church on the day of our wedding. The place is full to semi full of people who are all there to see this thing happen. The music starts, I see the doors open and behold my bride which triggers the butterflies. She is waiting and as the door opens the WHOLE church turns around to watch her walk. Is this really necessary? I mean really. It’s like every bad dream that you’ve ever had about being watched by everyone and hoping that you don’t mess anything up.

When she gets to me, we get to say some pretty intimate things to each other in front of everyone, then they get to watch us kiss and take off down the isle together as a new husband and wife and everybody knows that there will be sexy time that night.

I’m in front of people ALL of the time, but this is some realness kicking me in my face. I can deal with the whole “till death do you part business”, but it’s getting past the nuptials that are making us both feel so anxious to get this show on the road.

In the grand scheme of life, these things won’t even matter. Even after the fact, they will become trivial and inconsequential to our relationship. However, I shouldn’t merely view this from the surface level. After all, 90% of a glacier is hidden underwater right?

I think that the first view of my bride and the first view of her groom will play an intricate role in our relationship. That initial fire that I feel is already laced with anticipation and I can’t wait to work on my marriage even before it starts.

There are constant stories told from people stuck in the middle of lifeless marriages that hold no sense of communication, passion or the desire for a good, strong work ethic.

I was out to eat with some friends last night and my buddies’ fiancé pointed out something about the married couple at the table next to us. They sat down and didn’t say 2 words to each other. As I looked, they weren’t even looking at one another and their body language posed an unforgiving stance. Had they lost the initial hot, blue flame that burned before? Had there ever been one? Is this their only time to be silent amidst a noisy household? Or were they just plain old unhappy? I really couldn’t tell you because I didn’t stop to ask them (I thought that would be rude), but it made me think about the desire and the need that we have to start working on our marriage even before it gets started. That’s a pretty big step from one huge procrastinator.

Wish us luck! Here we go!

INERTIA

INERTIA

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged…a week to be exact. There’s really no reason for it other than the fact that I’ve been so dang tired. I know you know exactly what I’m talking about. It happens when you’re so tired that you start seeing everything in a surreal light. It’s like everything you’re experiencing at that point in time is merely a dream amidst a conscious world and air in my lungs.

However, I heard some words this weekend that clicked in an equally surreal way.

“Sometimes you have to go backward to go forward” – Craig Groeschel

He actually used an analogy of a slingshot. In order to gain forward momentum, you have to be pulled backwards first. For me though, it’s a little different. This is why I made my own personal analogy of a pinball machine.

In order to get the ball moving you have to put the right amount of force behind it.

Tonight at my weekly group gathering, we were talking about what lies that we personally buy into every day about ourselves. I knew mine from the beginning, but I waited until my turn to completely spill it all….I’ve always felt like I couldn’t do anything. It was as if I could never do anything worth while in this world because I would never be able to finish it. I’ve lacked a vision.

“Where there is no vision, the people perish” ~ Proverbs twentynine:eighteen

Ok, so, let me Tarantino this back to where I’ve been for the last few weeks. I have this vision that will NOT leave me alone. Wait, did he just say vision? Yes he did. It’s probably one of the purest things that have ever pooped its way into this young mind of mine. I want to create a sense of musical purity and integrity into the Nashville community. This could ONLY be accomplished by creating community.

Community? Community.

Here’s what I mean by community.

~Achieving and assembling an ever growing number of people using the best, most creative & innovative music, people and technology while establishing a repertoire in the community as a place full of growing acceptance regardless of race, religion, financial or social backgrounds.

Literally….people loving people while listening to great music.

Why can’t we have such a place that strives to beat out the industry at its own game while at the same time having a BLAST doing so?

I know that this is quite an undertaking, but I will have to say that I’m not alone. Among the small conversations I’ve had with friends and strangers, there are already people wanting…dare I say NEEDING to be a part of something like this.

For all of you Nashvilleans:

When was the last time that you went to a show (other than bonaroo) and felt like someone actually gave a crap that you were there? Have you ever gone to a show alone and felt like you were alone, even though you were in the middle of hundreds of others?

I have and that’s why I started hating the scene.

We’ve needed something this refreshing for a long time. Something that is so liberating that when you walk in, you feel like there are real people developing real communities. Something that is so diverse that it mows down all cultural barriers and embraces people for people. Something that you’re not afraid to tell people about because you KNOW without a doubt that they will be welcomed with open arms….no matter what. Something downtown that you’ll NEVER have to hear a p.o.s. cover of some band playing “Pour Some Sugar On Me” (they have their place too, but just not here J). Something with enough pull behind it to get everything moving. Community IS that pull. We need….

INERTIA

More than just a clever name, we need people. A vision is nothing without people to fuel it. If you would like to participate in any aspect of INERTIA, then why are you waiting?

JOIN INERTIA

GET MOVING…INERTIA

Love's Not A Grave

Love's not a grave, it won't decay on you.
-as tall as lions

Have you ever been afraid of success? Sounds stupid doesn't it? To some it sounds utterly ridiculous. To others they are words of complete sense and pure poetry to the insight of their minds eye. In a legalistic, money driven society like the one we live in today success isn’t judged based solely on merit. You can’t get up front without a knife in the back. Et tu, Brute?

For those of you who have no IDEA what I’m talking about, let me enlighten you.

I moved to Nashville a little over 3 years ago without money or goals, but with plenty of ambition. My intentions were good, but my drive was lacking in all areas. When it came to confidence while being on stage, I was set. When it came to giving a flawless performance every time, there was no problem. However, when it came time to book shows, I got lazy and pre occupied with a job I hated (and I hated them all) and I wasted precious time.

The laziness then gave way to a lack of knowledge. After all, if I don’t know anybody around town then my hands are tied, right? WRONG! I was perfectly able to hop in my car to any one of the clubs or venues downtown that offer a slew of Nashville writers and musicians platforms every night of the week. My problem wasn’t in my ability, but the way that I tricked myself to forget about what I loved…the music. The lie about knowledge (my lack thereof) then managed to birth its way out into fear. Is this the fear that I might actually do something in this world? No. I hated where I was in my life and I knew how to change, but I didn’t. I stayed in the same old mundane lifestyle that birthed the fear in the first place. I was never proactive enough to pull out of the crap and get rid of the things that needed to be replaced. I would burn like a match and snuff out quickly after.

So in light of all of this, was I REALLY afraid of success, or so confused inside of myself that I allowed a lie to run the better part of my life as it raced past me like a subway car? I bought in and believed that I couldn’t for so long that it made me wonder if my love was sick in the hospital with meningitis coughing and wheezing like “Granny Old Bones” who chain smoked at the bowling alley when I was 8, filling my young, delicate, still forming lungs with a putrid, vile stench of Marlboro Reds ™. I thought it was dead. There’s good news, though…

I’ve found my love again. It never decayed because it never died. Love’s NOT a grave, or a tomb or a eulogy because true love for something or someone isn’t judged based solely on merit. What it IS based on is how deep and wide the owner lets it grow.

After some time, it’s something I find true

Love’s not a grave, it won’t decay on you

So many days I was afraid of love

- "Love, love, love (love, love)" by As Tall As Lions

A Merry Heart

this is the happiest time of my life....and there's only one person to blame for that. she.


she is the best of every attribute of God's perfect design, set aside for me from the moment she was born.

sure, there have been some bumps and bruises along the way. we don't get to see each other very often, but i don't hold that against her. why would i? most of the time i don't even think about that.

lately has been a little different, though. we are getting SO close to the end and just like a kid a christmas time, i'm getting anxious for the end. i know that i'm going to be getting the greatest gift on earth and i KNOW she feels the same way! ;)

case in point:

the other night i was sitting at a table with some really good friends. some were new friends, some were older friends. as i looked around, i realized that everyone else at the table was a couple. married or not, everyone else had a significant someone with them. my fiance' had just left that day and i think that heightened the matter.

everyone was trying to console me in my grief, but their messages were all the same..."you've only got 5 weeks left"! such great friends, but it's kind of like the "just visiting" space in monopoly.

anyway, i didn't say all of that to make anyone feel sorry for me. God knows that not a lot of people read my blogs, but what i DO want to accomplish here is the feeling of assurance to the woman that i love.

it's not her fault. yes, she DOES have to finish school before we can get married. yes, she DOES live in Oklahoma (in state tuition...who could blame her?). no, she COULDN'T control that. how can you control where you are when you fall in love?

i don't blame her.

it's just hard for natural reasons. loving long distances has it's fair share of heartache, but there's one thing i know for sure...i'll NEVER take her presence for granted.