Love's Not A Grave

Love's not a grave, it won't decay on you.
-as tall as lions

Have you ever been afraid of success? Sounds stupid doesn't it? To some it sounds utterly ridiculous. To others they are words of complete sense and pure poetry to the insight of their minds eye. In a legalistic, money driven society like the one we live in today success isn’t judged based solely on merit. You can’t get up front without a knife in the back. Et tu, Brute?

For those of you who have no IDEA what I’m talking about, let me enlighten you.

I moved to Nashville a little over 3 years ago without money or goals, but with plenty of ambition. My intentions were good, but my drive was lacking in all areas. When it came to confidence while being on stage, I was set. When it came to giving a flawless performance every time, there was no problem. However, when it came time to book shows, I got lazy and pre occupied with a job I hated (and I hated them all) and I wasted precious time.

The laziness then gave way to a lack of knowledge. After all, if I don’t know anybody around town then my hands are tied, right? WRONG! I was perfectly able to hop in my car to any one of the clubs or venues downtown that offer a slew of Nashville writers and musicians platforms every night of the week. My problem wasn’t in my ability, but the way that I tricked myself to forget about what I loved…the music. The lie about knowledge (my lack thereof) then managed to birth its way out into fear. Is this the fear that I might actually do something in this world? No. I hated where I was in my life and I knew how to change, but I didn’t. I stayed in the same old mundane lifestyle that birthed the fear in the first place. I was never proactive enough to pull out of the crap and get rid of the things that needed to be replaced. I would burn like a match and snuff out quickly after.

So in light of all of this, was I REALLY afraid of success, or so confused inside of myself that I allowed a lie to run the better part of my life as it raced past me like a subway car? I bought in and believed that I couldn’t for so long that it made me wonder if my love was sick in the hospital with meningitis coughing and wheezing like “Granny Old Bones” who chain smoked at the bowling alley when I was 8, filling my young, delicate, still forming lungs with a putrid, vile stench of Marlboro Reds ™. I thought it was dead. There’s good news, though…

I’ve found my love again. It never decayed because it never died. Love’s NOT a grave, or a tomb or a eulogy because true love for something or someone isn’t judged based solely on merit. What it IS based on is how deep and wide the owner lets it grow.

After some time, it’s something I find true

Love’s not a grave, it won’t decay on you

So many days I was afraid of love

- "Love, love, love (love, love)" by As Tall As Lions