For Those Of You Who Know Me

For those of you who know me, you HAD to expect a wedding blog sooner or later. Things have been so hectic around here lately that it’s been hard to clear my head enough to jot down some thoughts. Now here I am at the beginning of the busiest week of the year and for some reason, my head is clear and I’m calm…

…minus one small part.

I was talking to my future wife Kacie last night and we both shared a common feeling. It’s the feeling that runs through your mind, past your eyeballs and out of your ear, leaving behind the feeling that you all of the sudden have to take a huge dump. You know, THAT feeling.

Picture this from both of our perspectives:

We’re in the church on the day of our wedding. The place is full to semi full of people who are all there to see this thing happen. The music starts, I see the doors open and behold my bride which triggers the butterflies. She is waiting and as the door opens the WHOLE church turns around to watch her walk. Is this really necessary? I mean really. It’s like every bad dream that you’ve ever had about being watched by everyone and hoping that you don’t mess anything up.

When she gets to me, we get to say some pretty intimate things to each other in front of everyone, then they get to watch us kiss and take off down the isle together as a new husband and wife and everybody knows that there will be sexy time that night.

I’m in front of people ALL of the time, but this is some realness kicking me in my face. I can deal with the whole “till death do you part business”, but it’s getting past the nuptials that are making us both feel so anxious to get this show on the road.

In the grand scheme of life, these things won’t even matter. Even after the fact, they will become trivial and inconsequential to our relationship. However, I shouldn’t merely view this from the surface level. After all, 90% of a glacier is hidden underwater right?

I think that the first view of my bride and the first view of her groom will play an intricate role in our relationship. That initial fire that I feel is already laced with anticipation and I can’t wait to work on my marriage even before it starts.

There are constant stories told from people stuck in the middle of lifeless marriages that hold no sense of communication, passion or the desire for a good, strong work ethic.

I was out to eat with some friends last night and my buddies’ fiancé pointed out something about the married couple at the table next to us. They sat down and didn’t say 2 words to each other. As I looked, they weren’t even looking at one another and their body language posed an unforgiving stance. Had they lost the initial hot, blue flame that burned before? Had there ever been one? Is this their only time to be silent amidst a noisy household? Or were they just plain old unhappy? I really couldn’t tell you because I didn’t stop to ask them (I thought that would be rude), but it made me think about the desire and the need that we have to start working on our marriage even before it gets started. That’s a pretty big step from one huge procrastinator.

Wish us luck! Here we go!

Insomnia

It's 4:10, I should be in bed. Actually, I AM in bed, but I'm not at all sleepy. It feels like there is nothing on my mind, but in reality it’s swirling. It’s moving, but it’s almost at a stalemate. Here I am, 2 weeks away from making the most significant plunge of my entire adult life and there are all of these inherent contradictions moving around my brain.

-“What if you’re not a good husband”

-”You’ve been trained your whole life to be a good husband”

-“You know you love her”

-“Is love enough?”

-“What can you possibly offer her?”

-“Only everything she’s ever wanted in a man”

You get the point.

For those of you who are married, stick with me here. I know that the common response to these thoughts would normally be brushed off as “pre-marital jitters”. (I don’t know if I spelled “jitters” right. I’ve never had to spell such a ridiculous word before.) The only problem is this:

I don’t have any jitters.

These are just legitimate thoughts that have been running through my head at an alarming rate. I never thought that I would care about someone so much that I knew that I could not live my life without them in it.

On THAT note, I also never thought that I would be getting excited about dumb stuff like washers and dryers. Case in point…today, as I was washing some of our wedding shower gifts, I got SO pumped over the new carafe that had a separate holder for ice so it wouldn’t melt into your beverage. I know, nuts huh? The funny part to that is after I was finished marveling at it’s amazingness, I promptly put it in the dishwasher and ruined it forever. Classic me J.

With all of that said, I just want to make her as happy and as un lonely as she makes me.

That’s all. No poetic notes or witty send offs. It’s almost 4:30 and I’m starting to get sleepy. HA! Mission accomplished.

INERTIA

INERTIA

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged…a week to be exact. There’s really no reason for it other than the fact that I’ve been so dang tired. I know you know exactly what I’m talking about. It happens when you’re so tired that you start seeing everything in a surreal light. It’s like everything you’re experiencing at that point in time is merely a dream amidst a conscious world and air in my lungs.

However, I heard some words this weekend that clicked in an equally surreal way.

“Sometimes you have to go backward to go forward” – Craig Groeschel

He actually used an analogy of a slingshot. In order to gain forward momentum, you have to be pulled backwards first. For me though, it’s a little different. This is why I made my own personal analogy of a pinball machine.

In order to get the ball moving you have to put the right amount of force behind it.

Tonight at my weekly group gathering, we were talking about what lies that we personally buy into every day about ourselves. I knew mine from the beginning, but I waited until my turn to completely spill it all….I’ve always felt like I couldn’t do anything. It was as if I could never do anything worth while in this world because I would never be able to finish it. I’ve lacked a vision.

“Where there is no vision, the people perish” ~ Proverbs twentynine:eighteen

Ok, so, let me Tarantino this back to where I’ve been for the last few weeks. I have this vision that will NOT leave me alone. Wait, did he just say vision? Yes he did. It’s probably one of the purest things that have ever pooped its way into this young mind of mine. I want to create a sense of musical purity and integrity into the Nashville community. This could ONLY be accomplished by creating community.

Community? Community.

Here’s what I mean by community.

~Achieving and assembling an ever growing number of people using the best, most creative & innovative music, people and technology while establishing a repertoire in the community as a place full of growing acceptance regardless of race, religion, financial or social backgrounds.

Literally….people loving people while listening to great music.

Why can’t we have such a place that strives to beat out the industry at its own game while at the same time having a BLAST doing so?

I know that this is quite an undertaking, but I will have to say that I’m not alone. Among the small conversations I’ve had with friends and strangers, there are already people wanting…dare I say NEEDING to be a part of something like this.

For all of you Nashvilleans:

When was the last time that you went to a show (other than bonaroo) and felt like someone actually gave a crap that you were there? Have you ever gone to a show alone and felt like you were alone, even though you were in the middle of hundreds of others?

I have and that’s why I started hating the scene.

We’ve needed something this refreshing for a long time. Something that is so liberating that when you walk in, you feel like there are real people developing real communities. Something that is so diverse that it mows down all cultural barriers and embraces people for people. Something that you’re not afraid to tell people about because you KNOW without a doubt that they will be welcomed with open arms….no matter what. Something downtown that you’ll NEVER have to hear a p.o.s. cover of some band playing “Pour Some Sugar On Me” (they have their place too, but just not here J). Something with enough pull behind it to get everything moving. Community IS that pull. We need….

INERTIA

More than just a clever name, we need people. A vision is nothing without people to fuel it. If you would like to participate in any aspect of INERTIA, then why are you waiting?

JOIN INERTIA

GET MOVING…INERTIA